Posted by: icmadoptionnetwork | June 7, 2013

Helping Children with Emotional Intelligence

American author and lecturer, Dale Carnegie, said, “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”  We all experience emotions, some of us more intensely than others.  Children are in the prime stage of life when emotions run high and when learning how to control them is a very difficult and often unknown task.  Parent 4 Success website released an article entitled, “14 Tips for Helping Children with Emotional Intelligence.”  This article defines emotional intelligence as “the ability to understand our own feelings and the feelings of others so we can get along with other people.”  This is a vital concept to teach our children.  Research shows that the higher emotional intelligence one has, the happier they are, the more successful they are, the more cooperative they are, the more social they are, etc.  Here are the 14 tips given to help our children develop emotional intelligence: 

1) Accept our children’s emotions and emotional responses

You must be feeling very upset about that.

2) Help them label their emotions

You’re looking pretty angry.  Is that how you’re feeling?

3) Encourage children to talk about their feelings

I can tell that you are upset about that.  Do you want to talk about the way it made you feel?

4) Help them to recognize cues as to how other people may be feeling

How do you think that made her feel?

5) Help children be aware when their tension is building and what creates stress for them

It seems like this situation is making you upset.  Do you often feel stressed or angry when this happens?

6) Teach them how to calm themselves down

Would you like to take some time to cool off before we talk about this?

7) Teach children alternative ways of expressing their frustrations

Can you use your words to tell me why you are angry rather than hitting?

8) Teach them how to problem solve

What do you think would happen if you responded to her like that?

9) Teach children positive self-talk

Instead of yelling or crying, try telling yourself, “I can do this.  I just need to do my best.”

10) Recognize what motivates them to perform at their best

I noticed that when something is very important to you, you make sure to work hard at it until it is done.  That is a great habit to practice. 

11) Teach children to listen and talk in ways that enables them to resolve conflicts and negotiate win-win solutions

Let’s hear what she has to say about the situation so that we can try to make everyone happy.

12) Comment when our children show self-control

You did a great job telling me with your words how you feel instead of getting angry and hitting.  You showed me a lot of self-control, and I am proud of you.

13) Talk about our own feelings

It makes me so happy when you ask my permission before you do something you aren’t sure about.

14) Model how to remain calm and in control when we are angry

I’m feeling very crabby and exhausted right now.  Can we talk about this once I rest and cool down for a while?

You can read this article at



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